Matthew 9:35-38 ESV

“…I’ve always said, you know, that I don’t respect people who don’t proselytize. I don’t respect that at all. If you believe that there’s a heaven and hell, and people could be going to hell, or not getting eternal life or whatever, and you think that, well, it’s not really worth telling them this because it would make it socially awkward … How much do you have to hate somebody to not proselytize? How much do you have to hate somebody to believe that everlasting life is possible and not tell them that? I mean, if I believed beyond a shadow of a doubt that a truck was coming at you, and you didn’t believe it, and that truck was bearing down on you, there is a certain point where I tackle you. And this is more important than that …”

- Penn Jillette, one half of the famous comic-illusionist act Penn and Teller

(From Wikipedia: “Proselytizing is the act of attempting to convert people to another opinion and, particularly, another religion”)

Came across this quote while reading The Trellis and the Vine by Colin Marshall and Tony Payne. I know I can talk a good game about the Gospel. That’s cool and all, but I’m finding that there’s nothing more humbling than realizing (a) the consequences that that Gospel should have in a believer’s life and (b) the fact that those consequences are rarely visible in my own life. Shoooot.

Solution? More Jesus please. (more frequent blog entries probably wouldn’t hurt either. we’ll see.)

My mind’s all over the place right now, so please bear with me, cause this entry is gonna be the same way. Random, short, and sweet. Okay, maybe not short. But definitely sweet, hahaha. Anyways:

Hosanna. The lyrics of this worship song have really been moving me recently. I originally thought the word “hosanna” was just a generic shout of praise, but I recently learned through the notes in my Bible that it means “please save” or “save us now.” Knowing this basically changes the entire song for me, and it definitely speaks to me in much deeper ways now. Also, I can’t think of a more perfect personal prayer than the bridge: “Heal my heart and make it clean / Open up my eyes to the things unseen / Show me how to love like You have loved me / Break my heart for what breaks Yours / Everything I am for Your kingdom’s cause / As I walk from earth into eternity.” Basically sums up most of what I’ve been praying for (for myself). I could probably write an entire entry on this song alone.

Community. How appropriate that I’m writing about this on Thanksgiving night, haha. With the exception of the Gospel itself, there’s nothing else I’m more thankful for than the people I’ve been blessed to know, love, and be loved by. My experiences at Camp have challenged the very definition of community for me, and the Camp staff has collectively left the biggest mark on me as a person than any other person or group of people ever has. However, God’s also been faithful in developing Gospel-driven relationships outside of my Camp community, which has been a huge blessing. In my sin, I do struggle at times with what it means to love all of you guys. And in my sin, it’s so easy for me to point out the specks in your eyes while ignoring the log in mine. When it comes down to it though, I count myself blessed cause I know my team’s ALWAYS got my back – because these relationships are rooted in something much deeper than common interests, surface-level affections, and selfish “love” – and that’s more than most people can say. Damn, that felt good to write, haha.

Prayer. My view of prayer has been changing these days. In the past, prayer has always been something I’d do when I felt like I REALLY needed something. And I always tried to pray only for things that I felt were “for God’s greater glory,” if that makes any sense. Now, I’m starting to see that a big reason for prayer is for a believer to show his or her complete dependance on God, no matter what the situation may be. That changes everything.

My sin. Oh man. Actually, I’ll save this for another day.

My future. Mixed feelings here. The way I’m headed, I’m probably gonna end up getting an entry-level job at some insurance company, bank, or some other firm (assuming I’m lucky enough to land a job in this freakin economy). That’s nice and all, but I get pretty depressed when I picture myself pushing papers at an office job as my CAREER. The more I think about it, I want to do something with my life that serves a greater purpose than myself, and speaking STRICTLY FOR MYSELF, I don’t know if I can justify a white-collar job at a bank as a way that I’m serving others, besides making the rich even richer. And I’m not saying I want to be a pastor either, cause I’m pretty sure I’m not cut out for that. I don’t know – maybe I’m just being naive or idealistic, but either way, God has it under control. As for where I’ll be after I graduate, there are multiple possibilities here too. I’ll have a heart for the Philadelphia area til the day I die, and I always pictured myself settling down here somewhere down the road, but I’ve always wanted to live in either SoCal or NYC (or both) for a couple of years after college. I think the West Coast is out, since I seriously think I’d never end up coming home if I moved out to LA, but New York still makes sense to me. On one hand, I love Philly and have a lot of things, including a promising church plant, going on in the area, but on the other hand, I really want to get out of my comfort zone and be somewhere where I’ll almost be starting from scratch. At least for a little bit. All I know is that I’ve gotta be in a city. We’ll see.

Random thoughts. I need to go to more concerts… I still can’t believe we lost to the Giants… After experiencing both, I’ve concluded that constantly keeping myself busy is so much better than having tons of free time… I was convinced that Twitter was a waste of time, but after using it for a while, I actually like it a lot… The consistency and accountability that comes with reading Scripture on a (kind of) daily basis has been soo good for me… I’m realizing more and more that I have trouble submitting in a Biblical way to authority figures in my life… Cannot wait til winter break…

My relationship with my sister. This deserves its own special section just because it’s been an issue in my life for so long. Since we first broke the ice a few months ago, we haven’t really seen each other much with me only home on the weekends and her usually working on weekends. Even though our actual interactions have been far and few in between, I definitely sense a shift in the way I feel toward her. When we were both younger and fought non-stop, the main emotion I felt toward her was anger. Once I distanced myself from her in more recent years, I didn’t feel anything about her one way or the other. But now, my heart feels compassion for her, and (I’m not just saying this) it truly is humbling to see how willing she is to forgive me for our past history. I’m reminded of one of the campers from this past summer, who shared that, even though he was the older sibling, he often found himself feeling otherwise when he saw how loving his younger sister could be, despite her shortcomings. God works in crazy ways.

BAM. That’s enough soul-baring for today. Love yallll.

Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.

Matthew 23:12 ESV

Monthly real entry coming soon. Haha.

For the last two years, I’ve been praying (half-heartedly) that God would reveal my sin to me. For whatever reason, He chose to wait until this summer to begin to answer me. Long story short, through a series of completely disconnected events, including a direct rebuking, a worship team meeting, and a conversation with a non-believing family member, He slowly began to open my eyes to just how SATURATED in sin I am. I began to understand my sin as a lifestyle of active rebellion against the true and holy God rather than simply individual wrongs that I was committing.

And the foundations of the thresholds shook at the voice of him who called, and the house was filled with smoke. And I said: “Woe is me! For I am lost; for I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King, the LORD of hosts!”
Then one of the seraphim flew to me, having in his hand a burning coal that he had taken with tongs from the altar. And he touched my mouth and said: “Behold, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away, and your sin atoned for.”

Isaiah 6:4-7 ESV

It’s funny how a person can hear countless sermons, receive great biblical counsel, go through all kinds of Gospel-focused books and readings, and serve in a bunch of different ministries and yet still completely miss everything. I know – I’ve been that person my whole life.

With that in mind, it’s no wonder this passage from Isaiah has been making a lot more sense to me these days. Like Isaiah, I had always known that I was a sinner, but there’s a difference between knowing and KNOWING. The crazy thing is that I’m sure that I’m only beginning to see the tip of the iceberg, but that’s more than enough for me to understand that I’m fundamentally flawed in a way that only Christ can address. The Gospel is only good news to those who truly believe that they’re in need of it; it makes perfect sense if you think about it. I’m realizing that I’m beginning to awaken to my need for a Savior. I had always known that, despite my sin, I was loved beyond all measure, but there’s a difference between knowing and KNOWING. And believe me, once you start to differentiate between the two, EVERYTHING changes.

It’s not the end, but it feels like it is
I’m waking up like I’m back from the dead
I’m stepping out, and it feels so free
But as long as I’m moving, it’s all right

I feel alive and it hurts for a change
I’m looking back, and its hard to believe
That I was cool with the days that I wasted
Complacent and tasteless and bored, but that was yesterday

We’re never going back to OK
We’re never going back to easy
We’re never going back to the way it was
We’re never going back to OK

Never Going Back To OK – The Afters

It’s not like I’m perfect. I know that I’m only just beginning this journey and that there’s still so much I’m blind to. And it’s definitely not going to be an easy path. But there’s something so amazing in seeing God actively at work in me. I can literally see my very character being changed. The biggest example of this has been my relationship with my sister. I know it sounds terrible, but for most of my life, I could have cared less if I had any kind of relationship with her. That’s why I know that it had to be a power far greater than anything I could ever muster that changed my heart and led me to reconcile with her a few weeks ago. I don’t know how else to break it down, but for me to experience actual change in my life of that magnitude? Indescribably powerful. For the first time in my life, I’m learning what it means to actually work out my faith in fear and trembling.

Jesus went on from there and walked beside the Sea of Galilee. And he went up on the mountain and sat down there. And great crowds came to him, bringing with them the lame, the blind, the crippled, the mute, and many others, and they put them at his feet, and he healed them, so that the crowd wondered, when they saw the mute speaking, the crippled healthy, the lame walking, and the blind seeing. And they glorified the God of Israel.

- Matthew 15:29-31 ESV

The cross is a crazy thing. You think you have it figured out, and then God reveals that there’s a whole ‘nother layer underneath what you thought you knew. I know I’m that blind man, but I’m starting to see, and it’s making all the difference. Looking forward with bright eyes.

You dwell in the songs that we are singing
Rising to the heavens
Rising to Your heart, Your heart
Our praises filling up the spaces
In between our frailty
And everything You are, You are

The keeper of my heart

And I’m restless, I’m restless
Til I rest in You, til I rest in You
I am restless, I’m restless
Til I rest in You, til I rest in You, oh God

Speak now, for my soul is listening
Say that You have saved me
Whisper in the dark, the dark
Cause I know You’re more than my salvation
Without You I am hopeless
Tell me who You are, You are

Still my heart, hold me close
Let me hear a still small voice
Let it grow, let it rise 
Into a shout, into a cry

Restless – Audrey Assad

Slowly realizing the truth of these lyrics in my life. Let’s try giving this blog thing another shot.